Token Excerpt
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Want to see what the comic book script looked like, and how it compares with the finished art? Check out the script pages for Shira and Rafael’s first kiss scene.
PAGE SEVENTY SIX
Panel One: Pull back, just a little, to show Shira, looking around as she stuffs the scarf down her shirt. Probably a shot from just below her chest.
No dialogue.
Panel Two: Pull further back to show Shira, head down, looking guilty, walking toward the door of the store.
No dialogue.
Panel three: A medium shot from the outside, of Shira exiting the Woolworth’s, head down.
No dialogue.
Panel Four: Shira turning to look over her shoulder, very surprised, yelping.
Off: Pa-thetic.
Shira: Eep!
PAGE SEVENTY SEVEN
Panel One: A medium shot. Shira and Rafael (of course, he’s the voice from off panel last page) are standing on the pedestrian mall. There is a little fountain near them, maybe a bench or two, a lamppost and a potted palm tree. I’ll try to find ref, but you can also wing it a bit, it doesn’t need to be exact.
Shira, one hand pressed to her chest as if to still her pounding heart (but also to conceal the scarf hidden there) is looking at Rafael, who is leaning against a lamppost, his arms folded on his chest, chin down, regarding her with cynical amusement. He is wearing a dark tee shirt, maybe with the sleeves rolled up, so we can see his muscular shoulders, jeans, dark sneakers.
Shira: Excuse me, I…you startled me.
Rafael: I’ll bet.
Panel Two: Shira, suddenly placing who this is, and relaxing her guard, putting her hand down.
Shira: Wait, don’t I know you? We met at the pool…
Panel Three: Rafael, over Shira’s shoulder, looking irritated and not so amused.
Rafael: Yes. And for some reason, the pool guy thought that I might be trouble.
Panel four: Rafael, reaching his hand just a little down the front of Shira’s shirt as she reacts in shock.
Rafael: But really, he should have kept his eyes on you.
Shira: Hey, what are you – stop that!
PAGE SEVENTY EIGHT
Panel One: A sexy shot of Rafael, raising one eyebrow as he pulls the scarf out from between Shira’s breasts. She is completely embarrassed, blushing like crazy. There is only a second between this panel and the one previous.
Rafael: Very pretty. The pink matches your cheeks.
Panel two: Shira, trying to snatch the scarf back, flustered. Rafael, dangling it just out of reach, toying with her.
Shira: Cut it out!
Rafael: Ah, you have to move a little quicker that that.
Panel three: Shira, angry and embarrassed, arms folded under her breasts. Rafael, looking at her, head cocked to one side, no longer dangling the scarf.
Shira: Fine. I didn’t really want it, anyway.
Rafael: Really? Then perhaps I will keep it.
Panel four: Close up of Rafael, darkly seductive, putting the scarf up in front of his nose, smelling it.
Rafael: It smells of you.
PAGE SEVENTY NINE
Panel One: Shira, angrily trying to snatch the scarf back, Rafael holding it away. He’s got nice biceps. This is a rather sexy-looking tug-of-war, and Shira’s the one who’s off balance.
Shira: Don’t be disgusting!
Panel Two: Rafael has managed to wrap the scarf around Shira’s wrists, effectively immobilizing her. She is a little frightened, but still angry. He is calm, smiling a little.
Rafael: Ah-ah-ah. You need to have fast hands to be a thief.
Shira: You’d better let me go this instant, or I’ll…
Panel three: A shot of Rafael from over Shira’s shoulder, amused and very close. This is fighting as flirtation, even though Shira doesn’t quite understand it yet.
Rafael: Or you’ll what?
Panel four: A shot of Shira from over Rafael’s shoulder, smiling a little grimly.
Shira: I’ll scream.
PAGE EIGHTY
Panel One: Pull back to show Rafael, gesturing with one hand at the almost empty streets. Off to one side, in the background, there is one old lady, with a walker, going across the street. She should start out on the far side of the street, further from them – I’m imagining her on their left. Rafi’s other hand is still holding on to the scarf around Shira’s wrists in front of her. Shira looks determined.
Rafael: Go ahead. But who will hear? I don’t think that old lady’s hearing aid is turned up that high.
Panel two: Pull back to show Shira, coolly raising her chin, the proud hostage. She isn’t really angry or frightened anymore. She understands on some level that this is flirting. Rafael is attentive, even respectful, granting her the point. The old lady is closer to them now, to their left and almost level with them. She might be halfway across the street.
Shira: You don’t know how loud I can be.
Rafael: True.
Panel three: Rafael, leaning in, almost as if to kiss, but whispering in her ear, instead. She looks startled.
Rafael: Let’s find out.
Panel four: A fairly close shot of Rafael and Shira. She is screaming her head off, with very calm eyes and something challenging about her body posture and head position. He looks startled.
Shira: Aaaeeeiiighhh!!!
PAGE EIGHTY ONE
Panel One: Close up. Rafael, leaning in, is kissing Shira to shut her up, but it is a sexy, romantic moment. His eyes are closed. Hers are open. Now she looks startled.
Shira: Mmmph.
TokenPanel Two: Pull back to show the old lady, blithely walking across the street, very close to them, not noticing a thing. Now Rafael’s eyes are open, tracking the old lady as she walks away, closer to us, and Shira’s are closed.
Caption: Maybe he’s kissing me to shut me up, but I don’t care.
Panel Three: The old lady is closer to us now, the kissing couple are in the background, and they’ve both got their eyes closed now. It’s still a gentle kiss, but it’s deepened, and it’s clearly mutual now.
Caption: All I can say is, he is definitely not chopped liver.
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